This morning my mom called. She is sweet and always has a way of sharing truth in love. After we caught up on life a bit, she said, “I need to say something to you, but please hear me out…”
I knew right then there was something in my life I’d done wrong—and I had a feeling it was probably about someone I had hurt. She proceeded to tell me that some of the members of my family felt as if I was only able to give them the leftovers – the small snippets of time that I spare after I have handled the other things in my life.
On top of my mom’s gentle rebuke, I’d already been quite aware that I was not giving my kids and my wife the time and attention I needed to give them. It is easy to get caught up in the daily grind and neglect the very things I love the most.
Mom’s words came at just the right time. The truth she spoke was just what I needed to hear. In fact, I recently picked up and started reading a few books that have been on my shelf for too long that speak to this very issue. One of the most convicting was “Choosing to Cheat” by Andy Stanley where he deals with prioritizing between work and family. God is trying to get my attention.
I never want my family to only get what is left. Imagine if all you ate everyday – for breakfast, lunch and dinner – was someone else’s food taken in doggie bags from the restaurant they ate at previously. Soon you would get sick of eating their leftovers and you would find a new way to get food. The same is true when it comes to our time with our families. If I only give my family the leftovers, they will soon find somewhere else to eat. This is true spiritually, relationally, emotionally, and (in some sad extremes) physically.
If I only give my family the leftovers, they will soon find somewhere else to eat.
So if I realize that I am only giving leftovers to those I love, how do I fix it? Well, here are few things I know I need to do now:
- Return God back to His rightful place. If I am giving leftover to others, then I am probably giving leftovers to God too. Though I am doing ministry everyday in hopes to please and glorify God, His first desire for me is to know Him. I need to ensure that my time with God is daily, unhurried, and always protected. (easier said than done)
- Re-prioritize my life. If I am neglecting my family, immediate and extended, for the sake of the ministry, then I am forsaking the ones God naturally gave me to minister to first. I need to reset my priorities (Michael Hyatt has a great article on this and the importance of caring for yourself as a part of your priorities).
- I need to reestablish boundaries. Right now I am working 60-80 hours a week, with several other big projects on top of that. This has got to change. I need to ensure that I am home for dinner, available for family phone calls, have time to meet those I love for coffee (especially when I seem to have so much time to meet for coffee with other people I hardly know), and am not always thinking about work (or talking about it) when I am with my family. I like that old statement my mom used to say, “Wherever you are, be all there.”
With Christ at the center, my priorities aligned, and my boundaries in place, I will be able to serve a four course fresh meal of time and attention to my family, rather than simply just giving them the leftovers.
