We’ve all got ‘em – those secret mistakes we never want anyone to know. The things we delight in when we are in private, but would die of embarrassment if they ever came public.
You know what I’m talking about, don’t you? Unless you are a superhero — or at least superhuman — you’re probably ashamed of something. There’s a past failure or present fault that is excruciatingly painful for you to acknowledge and admit. There’s something you wouldn’t want anyone to know about, something you keep buried way down deep within yourself.
Over the years I’ve spoken with hundreds of people who have opened up and told me their secret failings, chronic struggles, and agonizing wounds. In moments away from eavesdropping ears or in email exchanges away from prying eyes, people have expressed their sense of being chained and constrained, and their desperation to break free.
There’s a good chance you experience shame if you’ve ever thought things like what they have said to me:
– I don’t measure up to other people’s expectations, not to mention God’s expectations.
– I don’t like the real me, so why should anyone else?
– I act like I’ve got it all together, but beneath the polished surface I’m a phony and a fraud.
– I may be smiling on the outside but dying on the inside.
– I imagine God up there on his throne looking down on me with a disappointed look on his face.
In my opinion, there are two kinds of shame: The kind we deserve and the kind we inherit.
1. The first kind of shame comes from the guilt we feel for the wrong we’ve done. God created feelings of guilt as internal indicator that our lives are veering off track.
For example, If I hurt someone because I was selfish – until I make that right with them and God, I am going to feel guilty.
But if I take that too far and start thinking of my self as worthless and trapped, I’ve let shame win.
2. The second kind of shame is that which is given to us – usually when we don’t deserve it.
Let’s face it, human emotions easily get tangled and twisted. If we could X-ray our feelings, they would probably look like a huge bowl of spaghetti or a fifty-car pileup on the highway.
Since our emotions are rarely neat and tidy, it’s not surprising that lots of people feel unreasonable shame. In these cases, unhealthy feelings are distorted, exaggerated, and most of all untrue.
Unjustified shame comes from many sources:
– Our Culture
– Our Mis-Beliefs
– Our Parents
– Our Self
If this topic has touched a painful nerve, let me give you a dose of strong anesthetic. God never intended us to stay mired in muck of our mistakes. He sent Christ to forgive us and give mercy.
He certainly never wants us to experience false shame, and he wants us to seek healing for our justified shame fully and quickly so we can move forward in abundance. The good news is that shame can be wiped away by the Gospel of Jesus Christ.
At the end of the day, shame is a fence around our life, not allowing the mercy, love and care of God to enter and make us whole. But you can be free. We must step out of your shame stand in the light of Christ.
In Bible we are told that “For freedom Christ has set us free; stand firm therefore, and do not submit again to a yoke of slavery.” We must not let our own condemnation keep us from the freedom that can be found in Jesus. Let go of your shame and cling to Christ.
