When I was a little kid, I would play on a merry-go-round at the park with my dad. We would both run around it to get it spinning as fast as we could, and then on the count of three we would hop on. It was fun, but not always easy… many times I would miss the platform and scrape my knee on the ground.
It seems like as I have grown my dad and I are still playing that game at times with life. Sometimes my dad and I are moving so fast with all that we have on our minds and schedules that we miss our chance to just catch up. It’s sad how sometimes we can have a whole conversation with each other, but not really listen to what the other person has to say.
One of the main things that I need, even now as a grown man, is time with my parents where there is no agenda to be kept and no issue to discuss. Since my teen years I have learned the that I must slow down life and take time to build a relationship with my parents. As I got up I have the opportunity to can take my childish dependencies to a new level of friendship.
My dad has always said that vulnerability is the key to intimacy. When I ask my dad to listen to me, I have be willing to let him into peer into the window of my soul – giving him a glimpse of what I am feeling how I am processing those feelings. I must be authentic. I can’t lock down and sit there like a bump on a log (as I often did as a teen) – I have to give him a chance to see my heart and show me that he cares. As I share my situations in life, I can ask if he ever went through anything like that when he was my age – or if knew of someone who did. This is a way that I can be assured that he understands what I am saying. Then I ask him how he felt.
We need to listen to our fathers. I have found out that my Dad will listen to me if I take the time to listen to him. Its important that we take the time to converse with our dads through small talk. I will often call my dad and just ask him how is day was; what he thinks about an issue happening in the news; talk to him about the big game, or maybe last Sunday’s church service.
It takes humility to truly listen.
There is a big difference between HEARING and LISTENING. Listening involves intentional internalizing of what your dad is saying. It takes humility to truly listen. That means that you need to put aside your own opinions and racing thoughts and try and see it through his eyes. Remember, even when you don’t agree, you are not meeting him in the court room, but in the comfort of your own home. Don’t turn everything into an argument.
Never underestimate what you will learn from your Dad. He is one of the greatest gifts that God has given you. Develop that relationship. It is can be on of the most authentic relationships you will ever embrace. You may soon find that even your old man can be the most relevant person to you and your life.
